F*CKED Focus and More

Looking at this site, and realizing how long ago I started this page, and how terrible I was at continuing it. Not going to start saying that I am going to try my best to continue it, because at this point I am aware that is bullshit. I am aware of what my issues are and truly it comes down to terrible focus.

I live in a house full of constant distractions. I rather choose to watch TV with family than sit alone somewhere to really focus on writing. My brain is also to blame with its thoughts that are constantly flickering in my head. Whether they’re new ideas, self doubt about whatever I am writing, and if anyone will actually be interested in it.

I think I have come to accept that whether or not people read this or feel anything about it, I just need to keep sharing my brain. Getting it out of my head and out into the world to maybe inspire someone else who had better discipline, focus, and motivation.

So what has brought me back to this platform to post anything? It’s the political turmoil of the United States. The last four years has pulled me into focusing on on our government, and 2020 allowed me to see it for what it is without the rose tinted glasses. Last year took away so many distractions and forced us to really see the grit and grime that exists in this country.

I feel that the way we advertise the United States has been pretty much a painted whore. 2020 forced this whore to clean its face and expose its scars, blemishes, tired lines, and true heart. We got to see her pain from so many things that really haven’t healed. From racism, inequality, to conspiracies created to keep particular humans strong.

I will continue at some point with more in depth opinions and shared blurbs from what I have posted on other mediums over the years. If anyone is reading this, please let me know with a like or comment. Feedback is always welcomed as long as it is done respectfully. I am open to differences of opinion, but will not tolerate personal attacks. If this goes well, maybe I’ll share some inspired art. Who knows. Maybe I’ll forget to come back again just like before.

Until next time…

Clutter

Walking through the house, I am surrounded by mountains. There are the soft mountains of clothes, the crinkly mountains of plastic bags that have been collected over a decade, the stiff mountains of books pop up all over the house, and there’s the unstable mountains. The ones that you know if an earthquake hit, that it would just come tumbling down. All the hodgepodge of items slowly crumbling into an avalanche of small stuffed toys, notebooks, pens, pictures, boxes, and grocery bags. This is the mountain that scares me. Not for it’s unstable nature, but more so because it’s the mountain of where the hell does all this shit go? It has become it’s own pile of randomness. Things I still wish to keep, but keep where is the question?

It’s not like they can travel to my room where they belong, because there is no room. Yes, my room has no room, just enough to walk to the bed and the bathroom. Things have reproduced and multiplied through the years blocking all the walls in my room. I have to move boxes, bags, and more random unorganized clutter just to get to my closet or my dresser drawers. Mind you, this room is not the result of neglect. No. I have cleared out bags and bags of the large black trashbags and yet, my room looks the same. It’s as if it has been cursed and will forever create clutter until I die. Seriously, they are probably fornicating when I’m not home and slowly popping out new unnecessary belongings just to mess with my sanity.

I have even started an annual donation drive that consists of myself picking up dontaions from family and friends during the Spring to be donated to a place that gives items directly to the homeless. I am not trying to sound like a saint, but it was the only way my hoarding behind could let go of items. Knowing it was going to help someone else, because lord knows in my room, all it was probably good for was collecting dust.

Anyways, I’m currently cleaning my home for a family party in the Summer. Unfortunately, I am the only full functioning human in my household to be able to make any effort on the mountains previously described. Although I’m still “young,” my body is feeling everything from my shoulders to my lower back and some how to my ankles. Seriously, how the hell am I feeling so much pain inmy ankles. Both of them.

As I keep typing, I realize there really is no direction for this post. Had just finished cleaning, and somehow everything looks like NOTHING HAS CHANGED which is absolutely frustrating. Two hours of organizing, seperating things that should be trashed from what should be recycled, and nothing looks like any progress was made. I know it’s some what organized, but I guess what truely urkes me is knowing that it’ll be judged still. No matter how much effort goes into the cleaning and organizing, people will look, think we’re slobs, and it’ll just piss me off. They will see the mountains, and see them as hills. Muddy, deformed, unstable, blobs of junk.

Anyways, that’s the end of this “Clutter” post. If you take anything from this, don’t hoard, donate what you don’t need, sell what you can if you have to, and try to keep your life decluttered. Not talking minimalist, but don’t make mountains.

Trying to get back on track…again…2019 Edition

It has been a while since I’ve done some blogging. Mainly because I was overly doubtful, started feeling like I hadn’t actually found my tone, and feltt like I was trying to sound more proper than I actually am. Anyways, over the years I have embraced my love of cursing, found a tone I think feels more natural, and a little less guarded.

Since I last posted I’ve had therapy, on new meds, and started smoking pot, which honestly, it’s so much better than alcohol in my opinion. Then again, alcohol and I don’t get along too well thanks to my Filipino heritage.

For those who follow me, for reasons I’m not 100% quite sure why, be prepared for ramblings, opinoins, and maybe some fun stoned descriptions. Seriously, it is an amazing feeling seeing the world in a different light and/or shapes.

This was just a quick intro post, more so for me than for you reading this, to reaquaint myself with the flow for blogging.

Trying to Get Back On Track…

It’s a terrible habit, but it happens. I keep trying to find my focus to write and it some how gets pushed to the bottom of the pile of things I need to get done. (Ex: eat, sleep, work, laundry, shopping, pet care, other household chores, social life activities, create space on my DVR, read the book for the book club that I will probably not have time to finish by the time of the next meeting, finish one of the many series in my Netflix queue, and then write.) It comes in shifts, but I realize I need to learn how to re-prioritize something that makes me happy. I need to force myself to focus, instead of waiting for me to get into “a writing mood” whatever the hell that might be.

I keep seeing memes on Facebook about how you need to force yourself to write. You need to motivate yourself rather than waiting for the motivation to come to you. Life doesn’t stop so you can write, there is no such thing as the perfect moment to write, the only option is to make the reasonable moment for you to write. All of these things, when read, make so much sense, but then you look at life and all the things you have to get done. It just makes you wonder whether you’re good enough to even spend time trying to write something you hope will become a masterpiece, or is your time better spent somewhere else? It took a long while to realize it, but the answer is quite obvious. You’ll never know unless you try.

So this is me trying to get back on track….

Day Nine of Twelve

Friday was another long car trip back from Michigan to Tennessee. Most of it was spent involuntarily passing out.  There is just something peaceful about sitting in a car for hours that I can’t help but pass out.  It’s a sensation of feeling my eyes flutter, my head slowly starts to slide to the side, and then I’m out! Then again,  there are only so many corn fields,  trees,  and cars to entertain you until your brain gives up. 

Anyways,  we made several pit stops at various gas stations –  some better than others –  and also tried a Culver’s . It’s like a classier fast food joint with more options.

In the end,  eleven hours later,  wee made it back to Lewisburg safe and sound.

Day Six, Seven, and Eight of Twelve

DAY SIX:

At first the day was quite similar to the day before.  The only difference was that we finally checked out a bar in Lansing,  MI. 

Instead of anyone properly planning the night,  we sort of took a shot in the dark –  literally – and tried to find somewhere that was popping. However,  as we drove on through various surrounding areas that had bars,  no where seemed to be the place to be,  and also it dawned on me later that it was Michigan on a Tuesday night.  Eventually it came down to pulling up yelp and seeing what was still open and not creepy to go to at midnight on a Tuesday. 

We ended up at Stobers Bar  which is apparently one of the oldest bars or popular bars in  Lansing, or so according to their website.  Upon entering the bar,  it did look like it could be a popping place with all of its alcohol options,  decorations,  live music, and two shuffle board tables,  but just not a Tuesday night.  Anyways,  we ordered our drinks and tried a little shuffle board up until the point when this random fella came up to us to join our game.  At first it seemed harmless,  but then he tried to explain his version of the rules,  and since it wasn’t out own turf we figured why not try his way?  As soon as he was explaining why some points counted and others didn’t,  we knew this was going to be a long game.  In the end,  we left confused,  and my team lost apparently. After all the confusion,  we ended up at the Steak and Shake for a late night munch.  Then we all went back home and passed out.

DAY SEVEN:

Day seven went a bit differently. We woke up late around noon since we had stayed up late the night before. We waited for Liza’s niece to get out of school so we could go horse back riding at Sundance Stables.  Little did we know that the age limit was 8yrs and Liza’s nice wouldn’t be that for another year.   So,  she ended up on a parent lead pony ride while Liza and I took an hour trail ride.  I had done a few horse trails in the past,  but nothing to this extent. This was the most unkempt,  rugged,  and slightly terrifying terrain I’ve ever been horse riding on.  It was super muddy,  a lot of twig obstructions on the ground in the horses’ way,  narrow paths that you have to dodge brush,  twigs,  and tree  bark (my shoes learned their lessons from that),  and finally my horse kept freaking out about not being in the front of the line.  He would fight me when I told him to stop and he would say when it was super muddy. In the end I decided his name should be changed from “Checkers”  to “But did you die?!?”  In the end it was a fun adventure that will be memorable for sure. Also side note: they also had roosters and goats on the ranch.  The roosters walked freely and ended up biting Liza’s niece in the leg because she was teasing.  The best part about the goats was hearing them yell.  I’ve seen it on YouTube but hearing it in person was much more entertaining.

After hitting the stables,  we all went for sushi,  Tim Hortons, and then home to watch some Gilmore Girls before sleep.

(Tim Hortons realllllly needs to open in Los Angeles.  It hands down has the best hot chocolate I have ever tasted!  Ever!!!)

DAY EIGHT:

Another nooner wake up time.  Most of the day was spent lazily watching Hulu Plus,  drinking some coffee,  and waiting for someone to ask me to do something or go somewhere.  The event of the day ended up being another trip to the stables for another pony ride,  then another trip to Target for some cake stuff to celebrate Liia’s niece’s birthday early before we leave tomorrow back to Tennessee.

That is all for our Michigan adventures. S

Day Five of Twelve

Yesterday was the first full day in Michigan,  and all we did was shop.  We checked out different stores,  mainly the ones that we do not have LA like Meijers and Krogers – honestly,  who comes up with these names? 

Anyways,  something exciting I can try to describe is the house.  It is an old house,  built some time in the 1900s. The wood paneling,  door knobs,  and old furnace are a beautiful antique touch.  You can tell where some things have been updated,  but it only  makes sense with the changing times.

Well,  that is all….

P. S.  It rained out of nowhere and that was awesome.  The end.

Day Three and Four of Twelve: Sight Seeing and a Road Trip

DAY THREE:

Yesterday was a long day filled with sight seeing and enjoying some of the local traditions.

First, we traveled from Lewisburg to Nashville to go see the Parthenon. I do admit I was so excited,  not just because of learning that this place existed from “Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief ,”  but because I love anything related to Greek mythology. It was a bit of a car ride,  but when we finally made it,  coincidently there was a craft carnival going on at the park, which only meant it was going to be difficult to find parking.  It was interesting to see that in Nashville people just made up their own parking whether or not it was on concrete or on the grass.  Eventually we found a spot that we were comfortable with because trying to make up a spot to us Californians was just bizarre. However,  the struggle was worth it. Once we stepped out of the car,  there was this really pretty lake in front of the Nashville Parthenon.

It is nicely places so you can enjoy the view as you walk from the parking lot to the other side to the Parthenon. 

As Liza,  her mom,  and I approached the Parthenon, the selfish began.  After the selfish came the picture taking of whatever detail I could manage to take so I can  always remember this place. Then,  as we approached the building more closely we realized that there was more to the inside and that there was in fact a museum.  I thought it was just a building with a statue of Athens,  but since it is in an art district they had various paintings inside that were donated.  Then once you have perused the simple art work,  you walk upstairs to see the masterpiece.  When I thought about the size of Athena’s statue,  I thought it was going to be big, but when we got there,  she was much larger in size than I had imagined.

Her clothes,  helmet,  and shield were beautifully detailed. Once again,  I found myself trying my best to capture every angle and detail possible just in case I never make it back there,  I had something to hold on to. 

After we finished taking all possible photos at the Parthenon we left to get some dinner before the long trek back to Lewisburg.  The buffet we went to was actually extremely good… If only I remember the name to suggest it.  After eating,  I ended up napping on the way back before we went back out again.

The evening of day three consisted of line dancing at Mama’s Country.

Mind you,  I have never line danced before and I am not the best at being coordinated, but I do have rhythm so what could hurt trying it to least. When the crowd started picking up,  we found some super kind people who were willing to give us newbies a shot.  The vocalize the steps so we could follow along,  and right before the song was over we had the steps down,  but with each new song came a new step so we were basically we were screwed in always starting over again. In the end,  it was an awesome night that unfortunately had to end early because we had to be up at three in the morning to get ready to leave to Michigan by five in the morning.

DAY FOUR:

Day four literally consisted of being in the car for almost twelve hours.  We woke up early,  packed the car full,  and finally hit the road around 6am. We stopped to get breakfast and gas and then all we saw was road,  corn,  and trees.  However,  watching the sun rise on this side of the country is beautiful! I keep forgetting that he East side of the US gets to enjoy nice sunrises and us lucky folks get to enjoy the sunsets –  later in the day rather than waking bright and early. 

Throughout this road trip I fell in and out of sleep from Tennessee to Kentucky to Indiana and finally to Michigan!  I tried to take picture through each state,  but once you monotonously stare at trees for a long period of time,  your eyes kind of give up.  I was happy,  however,  that I got to visit some family in Indianapolis,  even though it was a just an hour,  it was what I needed since I am so far away from  my immediate family.

Anyways,  we got to Michigan safely and now it is time to turn in.  I’m still adjust to the time differences.  Tennessee is two hours ahead of LA and Michigan is one more hour ahead of Tennessee.  My sleep schedule is going to be so wonky when I get back home.

Night yall!

Day Two of Twelve: The Official Day One

Helloooo Lewisburg,  TN!  Last night when we had arrived it was already night time so we couldn’t see much.  This morning,  the sky was so blue and everything was clear! Beautiful!

We  started the morning with finding a local diner to get breakfast.  We ended up at Helen’s Brekfus –  no joke,  that is how it was spelt. 

It looked cute from the outside,  but once you walk in,  I felt like it needed Robert Irvine’s help (for those who don’t know,  that is a Restaurant Impossible reference) .  The tables were too tight together,  it didn’t feel all that clean,  and it wasn’t just from the flies dancing around the room.  However,  we decided to give it a shot –  not only that,  but it felt rude to walk in and then instantly walk right out. So we sat,  ordered two coffees and began looking at the menu.

The waitress was nice and I still love hearing the southern accent. However,  when the coffee arrived, it was basically water.  We tried to add what we could but couldn’t manage to revive the poor cup of Joe, and that was only the beginning.  We still decoded to order food,  and parts of me wishes we didn’t.

Do you ever have that moment when you’re eating something and you wonder if you should keep eating it,  and yet you keep eating it anyways either hoping the dish will get better or that you won’t die from horrible food poisoning? Yea,  this was one of those times.  I ordered Helen’s breakfast platter,  which started off good because I tried the bacon first. Then,  I figured let’s have some eggs –  bad idea,  unless that’s just how they like them in this state.  Usually,  back in LA,  scrambled eggs come dry and tasting like eggs.  These scrambled eggs were wet and had a weird taste to it that I could not quite put my finger to. Was it sour because it twas wet,  the oil they used,  or just because I got some bad eggs?  I don’t known but I still ate them anyways –  after adding salt and pepper and a little ketchup to pretend the first bite didn’t exist.  This plate was a toss up because the hash browns and toast were delicious,  but the pancakes seem to be having the same issues as the eggs.  They were a little undercooked and a sour taste that syrup could not mask,  so those went to the wayside uneaten. Liza and I both tried washing away the taste of the pancakes with our water… Ahem I mean coffee.

After we finished eating,  we tried to leave as fast as we could as if escaping the place would prevent a stomach ache.  So we left to our next destination – Walmart.

We have Walmarts in California,  but none near to where we so it’s always exciting to check one out when we travel.  I know,  it might sound like what’s the excitement,  but there’s always something exciting about shopping for a bargain.  Safe to say,  we spent over an hour browsing the entire store,  but luckily only leaving with what we needed or could use on the trip. 

After Walmart we went straight to McDonald’s for REAL coffee,  and then back to where we were staying to relax where I impromtu took a nap,  got hooked to “Say Yes to thee Dress,”  and then was ready for our next adventure.

Honestly,  there isn’t much to do in Lewisburg,  so we decided on a scenic trip to New Lake –  there is an Old Lake. The drive there was beautiful passing old houses,  corn stalk,  barrels of hay, cows, and a lot of greenery. When we finally got there,  the scene view was totally worth it! 

The rest of the day consisted of dinner at a local Mexican restaurant, doing our nails,  face masks, and just enjoying a night in.

As I currently write this I have an electric heating pad on my back and an electro therapy pain relief device on my left shoulder. It is only day two of Twelve folks,  a night life description is pending.

Night!

Day One of Twelve: Departing/Arriving

Still working on blogging more,  so what better way than to share my day by day vacation.

Today was day one –  take off.
My suitcase was packed by 10am, got to the airport around 10:50am, and finally was in the correct choo choo train of a line for baggage claim by 11am. Throughout the line,  all I could think of was the anticipation I had for my trip.  I had been to Tennessee before,  however,  that time had mixed experiences.  This time I was going with the right person and hanging around for longer than a weekend.  Walking through TSA to the gate,  I was just anxious about the flight,  already missing my family and my puppy,  but overall anticipating the adventure that Liza and I were going to have on the way –  the Parthenon,  downtown Nashville,  and whatever else Liza wanted to do!

On the plane,  we found a comfortable spot towards the end of the plane,  which to my luck was nearest to the restroom.  I hate it when you have to walk down the long plane awardly knowing that everyone knows you’re about to take care of some business. Anyways,  point is we got a good spot, and then way Southwest works is that there are three chairs in row,  and there was only Liza and myself.  Luckily,  we got someone who was super chill,  but what I realized later,  we never got his name,  so for story sake I’m going to call him Orlando.  He joined us for snacks,  quick chats, and a lot of laughs.  So,  in case he ever reads this – thank you Orlando for a great flights and I wish I got your actual name. 

I hate flying,  so landing is always my favorite part of traveling. There is always that slight chance that the plane will fall from the sky,  but knocking on wood…. Because I still need to fly back home in eleven days.

After we landed,  Liza and I went our separate way from Orlando and went to baggage claim. We got our  bags,  met up with Liza’s mom and her friend to finally head to where we can rest after a long flight.  Little did we know that the 45minute drive would turn into 2 1/2 hours,  which would mean that we had been sitting for two and a half hours!!!  In the end,  it was an interesting drive which ended with Sonic,  which I had never been to before and it was totally worth it!

Anyways,  that’s the end of day one!